Whispers from the water closet...

I'm done, for the moment

2010-02-05T13:14:00.000-08:00

I've quit this gig - had to, in order to get my weekends freed up so that I can get over to the other side of the pond each weekend.

My mother is terminally ill. And while the last several visits were very nice, where she almost appeared like her old self, I'm told not to have false hope. It may not be the 2-3 months that the doctors initially quoted, but due to the condition of her liver/kidneys, it will more likely be within the year.

Last weekend was my first weekend free. Felt very strange not to go. Felt even stranger not to have that tip money in my pocket. Don't think I'll miss the club much, but I will miss the cash in hand each weekend. That came in handy.

Did my taxes, though - before I added this job, I was due back a nice refund, but once I entered in the 1099 for this gig, it reduced my refund by over $1,000. When I look at what I made and what refund I could have had, it really wasn't worth it, in the long run. The only nice thing was the cash in hand, but if we budgeted better, that wouldn't be an issue.

So, I'm done. For the moment. I did offer to my boss that I would be available for emergencies or if her regular gal wanted to take a day or two off. And who knows? Could be, 6 months down the line, that I'll want/need it again, and she's told me she would hire me back in a flash any time I wanted to come back.

I want to thank my one or two readers :o) I appreciate you letting me share my experience and observations. I tried to come with a cute one-liner to end this with, like "I'll be back" ala Arnold, but I'm really hoping that won't be the case.

Old Lady

2010-01-13T12:03:00.000-08:00

Man, that's what I get for looking.

I was in yelp.com yesterday, and for grins and giggles, I looked up the club to see what reviewers had to say.

I'm reading through them - the majority very non-complimentry, when I come across one that had this to say:

"OH. And.. it's embarrassing, but there's this old lady in the women's bathroom (and an old man in the men's bathroom) who rips paper towels for you and there's an assortment of lollipops, gum, hairpins, hairspray, lotion, deodorant, tampons, etc. Of course, gratuity is always welcome, but it makes me irrationally giggly to grab goodies in the bathroom. I feel like a kid in a candy shop. What a terribly unfun job, right?"

So, let's see - embarrassing; old lady; irrationally giggly; terribly unfun job. Did I get it all? And ripping paper towels? I don't rip anything - I hand out paper napkins. I have to think this was someone very young and not very observant. I know I look older, but I certainly don't consider myself an old lady.

Oh, well - I've always known that a good number of the ladies coming into the closet are clueless.

Beautiful Becca

2010-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

Had a young lady come in Saturday. Such a sweetie - trying so hard to be obnoxious (not sure why), but not pulling it off. She asked about things I hear in the closet and I told her honestly that I mostly tune conversation out. I'm not a natural eavesdropper and unusually not curious. I guess because after a while, it's all the same. Ladies talking about their "man," their home life, their kids, their jobs. Nothing novel or new. Told her I had this blog and she was intrigued; said she was going to look it up. I asked her then if she would do something outrageous, I'd post about her, but she couldn't think of anything to do (nor could I, so here you go).

She came in several times - I could tell she was with several friends. While she was so sweet and friendly, she had one friend that didn't have to try hard to be obnoxious. What a piece of work. Very dismissive, very messy, very not-a-person-I'd-like-to-get-to-know. Can't imagine what a sweetheart like Becca is doing with shit like that. This friend is one of those rare ladies that come in that look down their nose at me, as if I were any less than they are - pppppbbbbbbtttttt.

Another young lady came in and was very curious how I had gotten this job. Told her through craigslist. She asked all sorts of questions; said she'd love to have a job like this. I asked her if she was serious, as I was contemplating quitting and she said yes. So I took her name and number down and told her I'd share that with the Bosslady.

Which I did this morning. Yup, I did it. Gave my two-week notice. I need my weekends free to deal with a family situation. Part of me hates having to give it up, but part of me is relieved. It's hard having to work every single weekend. When I spoke with the Bosslady this morning, I told her to keep my number in case she needed someone to fill in on occasion. That I could do. She said she most definitely would and that I could have the job back any time I wanted. Nice to feel appreciated.

If only I could get that at my day job.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-05T12:53:00.001-08:00

Wishing everyone a very happy New Year - hoping there's lots of love, laughter, health, wealth and success for everybody.

And I apologize for letting a month go by without posting. Without a lot of detail, my private life is very complicated right now (an illness in the family) - so much so that I am contemplating quitting this gig so that I have weekends free to do what I need to do. The only comfort I find there is that I believe my boss likes me well enough that should I ever decide I want to do this again, she'll have a spot for me.

I was half anticipating and half dreading New Year's Eve. Last year was so crazy-busy and I made very little, since I didn't really know what I was doing yet, so this year, I figured I was going to rake it in.

Ha.

People shouldn't go out if they cannot afford to. I cannot believe how cheap the majority of the ladies were Thursday night. And it was busy, but not bad - not like 2008's New Year's Eve. Made exactly half of what I had expected to make.

And then Friday and Saturday nights were very slow. So glad my Special K got me a new phone for Xmas (I can access the web from it), as I had plenty of time to read the news sites, Facebook, scroll through craigslist - that sort of thing. Made next to nothing Friday, but Saturday, I made only $2 less than Thursday. Weird.

No, not weird. Criminal. That's what it is - downright criminal lol!

This is not a buffet

2009-12-02T12:12:00.000-08:00

Was so enamored with the heart Origami, I nearly forgot I wanted to share this one:

Young lady comes in several times throughout the evening last Friday and she likes the Altoids. Second time, she takes one of the paper cups I have out and throws several Altoids in there. She does this like three more times. On the last visit, I had had enough. I walk up to her and say "Excuse me, but this is not a buffet," and I take the cup from her. She's got it half full of mints! She said she was just bringing mints to her friends, and I let her know I'm not here to feed the club mints. These are here for the enjoyment of my customers coming into the restroom and I cannot afford to provide mints for everyone out "there." "Oh, I'm sorry - you pay for these?" Well, yeah, dimwit - how else do you think they get there? I know, I know - folks assume it's the club, but that's getting real old.

Wouldn't have minded so much if she would have dropped me a dollar or two (or three with the amount of mints she took!), but nothing. Not a dime.

Incredible.

A heart in my tip jar

2009-12-02T11:57:00.000-08:00

Last Friday night was a strange night; slow with bursts of busyness. And the women - no tips for a long time, and then bursts of everyone shoving a dollar in the jar. Did fairly decent for a slow night. At one point, when I was emptying the jar into my velvet bag, I found this at the bottom:

At first, I thought someone threw a heart-cutout just to be cute, but once I examined the Origami, I discovered it was a two dollar bill. How cool is that? Only bummer is I can't bring myself to unfold and spend the bill. It's just too cute.

Another theft

2009-11-21T02:23:00.000-08:00

But this time, it wasn't from me. End of evening, I'm going through each stall as I usually do, and I notice one stall's trash bin was overflowing. I try to stuff it down and it's packed. I look and I notice a purse stuffed in there. A big, leather purse. And I think, wow - someone didn't want their purse anymore. But then as I pull it out, I notice underneath it is the contents; makeup bag, brush, perfume bottle, etc. But no wallet. So I figure, uh, oh - we've had a theft. Just then, security knocked and asked if I was all clear (and I was). I give the purse to him and explain that I think we've had a theft. He said, "Ah, I'll bet this is the missing purse."

It was a nasty evening, anyway. So many young "ladies" cursing up a blue storm. Had to have security come clear the room; had a puker in a stall for over 20 minutes. Just weird. Didn't help that I had been ill this week - caught a nasty-assed cold. So I wasn't feeling so hot anyway. But, dang, it was rough tonight.

So, I'm in the elevator going down to my car and I notice the purse. A fellow is holding it and the hand of an obviously distraught young lady. I said, "oh, that's your purse?" He said, yes - it was snatched from the back of her chair. He asked what I knew and I told him where I found it. I told her I was sorry; she was crying; feeling so bad. She said she was trying to remember what all she had in there. I again said I was sorry that it had happened.

We all get off the same floor of the parking garage and as I'm walking to my car, the fellow calls out "wait a minute." I turn around and before I know it, he's grabbing my black sweater from my bag and asked his gf if this was her sweater. I said "no, that's mine," and make a grab for it. He held it out, showing it to his gf; she said no, it's not mine - give it back. He hands it to me, saying "we're upset."

Yeah, well, buddy, that upset me. I would never steal. Period. From my customers or anyone else. That's just so wrong. I'm so sorry that happened to her/them, but damn - to practically accuse me of stealing her flipping sweater; I found her purse, for God's sake. Why would I have turned her purse in if I was the one doing the stealing?

(sigh) Nasty night. Surprised I made as much as I did. Hope tomorrow brings a nicer crowd.

Thieves

2009-11-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

It's happened many times; I turn my back or leave the closet for just a moment (to run a glass to the bar or towels to the kitchen, etc.), and someone snatches something. Most disconcerting to know that there are people out there that do not care enough about their fellow man to reduce themselves to stealing a $1.99 tin of Altoids or a $9 bottle of VS lotion. I know there are bank robbers and desperate druggies, but not from every day, normal women out for an evening.

Friday night, I'm in the middle of setting up - I'm right there, and had just put out a brand new tin of Altoids. I turn around and that tin is gone, my tip sign is in the sink with water running on it and my kitty picture is on the floor. Weekend before, it was my half-empty Victoria Secret Love Spell lotion. WTF?

Why? I just don't get it. And then to be even meaner on top of the theft by trying to ruin my property.

The worse theft was near the beginning of my restroom career; someone helped themselves to my tip jar. And it happened while I was in the room! Just replacing empty roles of TP - came out and of course, I noticed right away that my jar was empty. Can't remember now exactly how much it was (wasn't much - like $10 or $15, but still), but I do remember how upset I was. That I was busting butt so that someone could go and buy themselves a drink or whatever with the fruits of my labor. I hurt so bad over something so hateful - I wanted to quit right then. I now empty my jar many times a night - it goes into a velvet draw-string bag that I keep down below with my kit - takes once to get bitten, I guess, but I learned.

And these women think nothing of helping themselves to things that they think are free. I've stopped many a woman from walking out with a fistful of chocolates or lollies - had one once take a new package of cough drops and stick it in her pocket! Another that went into one of my containers and took out a four-pack of Twisps (the water-less toothbrushes) and put that in her purse. Amazing. And then they're surprised when I call them on it and ask them to put it back. "Oh, I thought it was free," is the common statement I get. I swear if I hear "are these free?" one more time, I'm going to lose it. Do you not see the "Gratuties are appreciated" signs? Get a freakin' clue. And yes, sure, you can take a chocolate or a cough drop or a toothbrush, but not the whole damn thing. They're surprised to learn it's coming from my pocket and not the restaurant's.

These are the women I see at an "all-you-can-eat" buffet with plates piled yea high and putting it in a plastic bag that will go into their purse to take home. Pigs. Selfish pigs.

All about SEX

2009-11-02T14:40:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was interesting at the club; slow (surprisingly, most folks go to costume parties as opposed to going out to a nightclub on Halloween), but fun. So many different costumes; so many different personalities.

One observation I had - the majority of the costumes were ultra-short with garters and hose and high heels. Police woman, gladiator, alien, ladybug (bugs were big this year; bees, butterflies, etc.), doctor, cowgirl, etc. - it all looked like lingerie. The two girls that won the costume contest had corsets on with a skirt that had more material in the waistband than the skirt itself - oh, and Mardi Gras-type masks. Nothing I would call highly original or unique to warrant winning a contest... unless you're a male voting with your Johnson. Oh, they were very pretty (twins, they said they were) and nice to look at, but I saw a few other outfits that were way more original and imaginitive, that had the judges been female, would've won instead.

"I love you, Mama!"

2009-10-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

When I first started this gig, a lot of the young girls would call me "Mama" and I was offended. Did I really look that old, I would think to myself. I don't feel like anyone's mother - don't have children; don't want children. Don't get me wrong. I love children, when they're behaved and being quiet. I guess I am old; I don't tolerate noisy kids very well. Love my nieces and my nepher to pieces, but I'm glad at the end of the day, they go home with Papa.

Boy, I get off-track easily. What I found out is that "Mama" is actually an endearment, since they don't know my name, but I'm there to take care of them. So, now I think that's sweet. Makes me feel nice.

Had a couple young ladies in the closet Saturday night, gushing how much they loved me, how nice and how sweet I was (boy, I've got them fooled, huh?). It had been a pleasant evening; not too busy, but tips were ok - not great, but ok. I've had worse evenings. But this one girl kept going on, til I told her to be careful; I just might think she's got a crush on me. She laughed and said "oh, don't worry - it's only until I'm sober! Besides, ewww - you're a girl!"

LOL She was so young. If she only knew...

Nice weekend

2009-10-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

Isn't she cute? I found this on a site I get e-mails from daily (I signed up) - http://icanhazcheezburger.com
There's a link on there for dogs, too (http://ihasahotdog.com ). Nice way to start the day; with a smile. Anyway, I shared this photo with the young lady I work for and she loved it. She asked me to send her actual hardcopies (she's kind of a techo phobe) so that she could put it up in the restroom she works. So, of course, I put one up in my closet, too.

This past weekend was very nice. I was a little worried, since there was a beautiful full moon out, but other than a few "leave me a lone" types, everyone was real sweet. Made good money Friday night - kicked ass Saturday night (doubled what I made Friday). Saturday night worked out to $30.50 an hour, between my shift pay and the tips. Not too shabby for a part-time job, eh? That's a lot more than my day job!

THere was one young lady who had a little too much to drink Friday night. I noticed several ladies fluttering, giggling and pointing down on the floor by the first stall. When they left, I walked over to see who left what where so I could clean it up. Now, this was a first. I saw two shoes, jean-clad legs and a bare bum. Someone was obviously hugging the toilet, but must've dropped her pants to pee first, or something. I don't know - she wouldn't talk to me. I knocked and told her that her bottom was bare to the world, but she didn't stir. I then peeked through the door crack (yes, I will do that if I think somethings wrong in a stall) and noticed she had her head on the seat with her eyes closed. I banged on the door, calling out to her, trying to wake her up, but no luck. I thought about reaching in and slapping that bum, but I didn't want to get hit with some sort of harrassment suit. So, I was about to go get management when I noticed the shoes were now facing forward and I could hear zipping and flushing noises. I went out anyway, to find a security guard, when one of the night managers walked by. I pointed her out to him as she left the closet. The club has a very, very stict rule on drunks. They just won't tolerate them. If you are even suspected of being a little tipsy, they will escort you out. Don't blame them - they could get sued if something were to happen after they left the club and it comes back that they were served at the club.

But other than that, it was quiet (well, as quiet as it can be with the music blaring in there) - busy, but quiet. Both evenings went quickly. Makes me wish each weekend could go so smoothly.

Why are you in here?

2009-10-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

I have a part-time job as a restroom attendant at a local nightclub. They have a DJ Friday and Saturday nights, so there's dancing. It gets busy. The club has contracted with a company (who I work for) that provides attendants for both the men and women restrooms.

We serve a dual purpose: 1) the nightclub needs someone in there to keep the restroom clean, stocked and kept orderly. They also want it policed (no smoking; no drugs; no sex - in other words, nothing fun), and 2) to provide a service for the customers.

Many people appreciate having an attendant there. But many are frustrated and get pissed off, thinking they're obligated to leave a tip when they feel it's not warranted.

Ah, tipping. Yes, folks, that's what it all boils down to. That's why I do what I do. Not for the shift pay they give (works out to barely $10 an hour - so not worth it). But on a good night, I make more than I do at my day job (which, really, doesn't say much, but hey, I like it). It's the perfect part-time job; minutes from home, only two nights a week, and I don't start until 9:30 pm, working til closing, which is between 1:30 & 2:00. Oftentimes, I'm home by 2:00.

When I started a year ago, I was provided with a kit. I was told I was expected to replenish the items in the kit as they got used. This isn't so bad - I get to write it all off on my taxes. But, still, it's coming out of my pocket, and this is the part I don't think most people know.

When one walks into my restroom (hereinafter referred to as my closet), they will see not only a spic n span room with a woman smiling at them, they will also see a plethora of items: candy/mints/gum, lotions and colognes, lip glosses, hairspray/mouse/gel, toothpaste/mouthwash/floss, tampons/pads, aspirin, cough drops, eye drops; pretty much anything you can think of that you might find in your bathroom at home, but couldn't fit in that little evening clutch you're carrying. My list could go on; if I can do it hygienically, I'll have it. If you ask and I don't have it, I will the next night I work. I even have flip-flops for the ladies who wear those ridiculously high high-heels or too-new shoes so their feet are killing them - this way, they can take off their shoes and not have to walk around barefoot.

Now, tipping. I do not expect a tip just for handing someone a paper towel or if they take a stick of gum. I do expect a tip if I provided them a service or if they used any of my stuff. Dollar amount is up to them - the going rate is a buck or two, but I've had women give me fives, tens, even twenties because they were that pleased with either my service or what I had to offer. But I cannot come out and ask for that tip (that would be totally inappropriate). There are two signs in the closet stating "Gratuities gratefully accepted," but it's amazing how many chose not to see that (I've heard of selective hearing, but selective sight? I guess...)

Long first post. I hope this will be a fun place to come check out. There have been some hilarious situations come up in there, and some pretty horrible. I'll try not to get too gross.